School = $$$, Both In and Out

Well, I have signed and accepted a $12,000 loan to transfer to Indiana University Southeast and finish out my degree. I guess I should be pretty excited about it, though I'm looking at it from a more cynical perspective and realizing that it is MORE debt to my already overwhelming load. The unfortunate thing about attaining a degree in music composition is that the job market would require me to seek out a masters degree and potentially a doctorate before I could even hope to establish a career for myself. I am also making the decision to leave a job that is paying my bills faster than they've ever been paid, which begs the question - is this the 'smart decision'? I'm not going to lie - I already hate working in the food industry. It's frustrating, people are too picky, employees hate their jobs no matter what you do, and every day I come home smelling like fried food. I really don't want to do this job for the rest of my life, therefor I am aiming towards a job/career that I know that I will always enjoy. Is there anything wrong with that?

I really wish I could just win the lottery - or an ample amount of funds somehow - and this wouldn't even be an issue anymore.

Reflections on 'Time'

It has been more than two years since I have constructed that conservatively structured marching band suite entitled 'The Elements of Time' which served as my debut opus into the realm of Marching Band Original Music. Since its completion, only two bands have taken the piece by the horns and performed it on the field. The first band, the Harrah High School marching band directed by Martin Andraszek, is the ensemble that it was respectively written for. I had the pleasure of joining the band in rehearsal as they prepared for the Konawa Band Festival in Konawa, Oklahoma. After initially seeing the performance, I had big grin on my face - not because it sounded fantastic (which it did) but because I had flashed back to my times in the Lafayette High School Band when I spent my years admiring the great composers/arrangers that put together our marching band shows I came to know and love. Suddenly it dawned on me, I was becoming those greats. Granted, I wouldn't dare compare myself to Scott Hickey....and certainly not Key Poulan, but it was definitely a start.

Let's back up a minute - it's not fair to actually call the Harrah High School band fantastic as what helps a group most is the criticism. They were very good for a small band taking on a piece that was OBVIOUSLY written with a larger band in mind. That was the first mistake I made when writing 'Time'. I wrote it with the Lafayette Band in the back of my head and theirfor many of the big hits and chord progressions sounded very hollow. This is an important lesson for anyone to learn when writing for an ensemble - the size of the group matters immensely.

On that Saturday, as the band was dressing for the performance I flipped through the program to notice that Martin had changed the title's to three of the four movements. This is not typically something that is done with respect to great composers.....however, me maintaining current Amateur status had come to the realization that he had very good intentions on change the names of the movements and I almost considered changing them to those names myself. The fact of the matter is that the title I gave to the movements were NOT 'Elements of Time' Perhaps I could have gotten away with calling the suite "Reflections of Time' and that would have suited the movement breakdown better. This fact was further brought to my attention when the Fox High School Marching Band (Missouri), directed by Matt Rice, bought the score from Impact Marching and changed the title of the entire piece to "Insomnia: Journey through a Sleepless Night."

Unfortunately, you can't hear the music as well in that video. If you are a friend of me on facebook, you can check out a better video at the following link.....

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=501573836&ref=profile#!/video/video.php?v=1131528620710&subj=501573836

The FHS Marching Band's video also includes the last movement, which the Harrah Band had not yet had on the field when I visited. That was the other part of the suite I would have fixed. I really did not like the beginning of the last movement. I originally wrote that with the Salvador Dali painting of 'melting clocks' in mind, however it did not fit the rest of the piece very well and just sounded odd.

Overall, as a personal reflection writing the 'Elements of Time' served as a good experience for me, and taught me a lot of valuable lessons about writing for Marching Band that I have applied to my other two marching band works 'Traffic' and 'Joy! Reconstructed.'

The Music Industry and Siobhan Magnus

I'm quite the rebel when it comes to music. I don't buy into the sappy romance songs that in my heart I know were written for the purpose of boosting record sales. We saw it happen when Nickelback wrote that musically horrific song 'Photograph' which became an instant best-seller. That being said, you could have walked up to any high school female during that year and asked them what their opinion on that song was and it would quickly be followed by the revolting response "I LOVE that song!" I guess with music being more of a business than a hobby in the real world that it is accepted to write music you hate to make money which...of course...we all love to have. Personally, I think creating music born from your passionate heart and STILL being able to pay the bills and make ends meet is much better than 'selling-out'....but what do I know?

Let's talk about American Idol. It has been on for nine seasons, and for the previous eight seasons I might have watched one episode (when Idol visited Louisville and one of my co-workers went to the auditions). I had always felt the show was not just political, but the end results have rarely generated artists that I enjoy listening to. Carrie Underwood would be the exception to this, because she is definitely the best out of all of the winners and contestants. Plus she's smokin' hot! But the biggest problem I had with the show is not what comes out of it, but that to me it is usually nothing but one big Karaoke contest. Ok...so the contestants are charged with 'changing' the song up a bit...but unless they do something spectacular, its still the same song.

So many years I joked with people that wasted an hour or two a week putting their heart and soul into watching the show and spending hours upon hours texting or calling in a vote for someone who they will probably never meet in their lifetime. Well, a little over a month ago I was devastated with the unfortunate termination of my position at Indiana Beach. That being said, I had a Tuesday off one night when my brother and mother talked me into watching an episode of American Idol. I didnt have anything else to do, so I toughed out the episode. Apparently, it was rolling stones week...which was pretty cool. Never a big stones fan so I didn't mind seeing their songs horrifically butchered.

Then came Siobhan Magnus. My mom, who was practically narrating the show for me, told me that she was as Simon Cowell put it "a funny little thing" and that I might like her. At this time, I kind of rolled my eyes as I still wasn't that into the show. Then it hit me....a loud female note in the upper register, piercing through the sky but with great intonation. Behind the signature I could hear the "Freedom" chorus from Aretha Franklin's 'Think', and realizing that it was NOT a stones song....we hadn't even gotten to this week's performance! That was when it started......a very dramatic version of the song 'Paint it Black.' Siobhan was wearing a stunning midnight blue dress, and sitting on a red and black stair case. She sang the first verse, very slowly and haunting before flashing lights accompanied by drum beats took control of the stage and the Massachussettes glass-blower (which is interesting because glass-art has always been a love of mine since I was a child) stood up and entered the front of stage with fire, anger, and twisted emotion. I was really diggin the performance, and since then I had been on the Siobhan Magnus bandwagon.....through her best and worst (Through the Fire) performances. I hadn't missed an episode of the show I used to despise since....

To much shock, Siobhan Magnus was voted off of American Idol on Wednesday, April 28th. She had never been in the bottom three and was highly praised by the judges (though highly criticized by the media) for her 'returning' performance of Shania Twain's "Any Man of Mine'. Even Kara DioGuardi, who over the past four or five weeks had expressed how she was 'confused' on who Siobhan Magnus was as an artist, exclaimed "Guess who's back. Siobhan!". The only negative comment came from everyone's favorite Simon Cowell who claimed that her screaming at the end of the song felt like she was 'giving birth' up on stage. I felt it wasn't a solid performance, but still loved her stage performance as I always have and was glad to see her going back to the styles that made her famous.

But despite the judges praise and the response from the audience, Siobhan was eliminated the following night. Her fans were devastated, probably more than she was as her signature response was 'This isn't the end, its the beginning of something new." Very mature response for a girl who many claimed didn't sound like the brightest crayon in the box when interviewed. (I always laughed at that assessment because she was 20 years old and isn't used to having that kind of media. Seeing her on the Ellen Show....she had much more intelligent things to say, and it was very obvious - this is NOT a dumb girl)

Ok, so the fact that she was a trendy pick for ending up in the top 3 this of course raised a lot of suspicion on how accurate the vote was to the point where over 4,000 of her fans have signed a petition to reinstate her. Their argument is that the wrong numbers were posted on her facebook fanpage which hosts approximately 23,000 of her devoted fans. If you would like to sign the petition...here is the link. www.itwontwork.com. Seriously, though......fans need to let this one go. I'm as upset as the next and have my own suspicions, but personally I think she is better off. Plus - when did we decide that American Idol was the be-all end-all of the music industry? American Idol is about giving regular talented schmo's off the street an opportunity at success...and it's already done that for everyone from Paige Miles (the top 12 eliminated contestant) to Crystal Bowersox or Lee Dewyze (the two speculated favorites). Personally, a girl of independance such as Siobhan is probably much better off being able to browse the endless opportunities that are out there than she is to be tied to some stupid Fox Contract that will make her sing songs she doesn't want to sing for however long the contract is.

So what IS next for Siobhan Magnus? Well love her or hate her, the girl HAS a voice. The most significant comment that was given was pertaining to her high-note (which many people critically refer to as a 'scream') when Simon Cowell, after her paint it black performance, said 'A lot of people are going to love that, but unfortunately a lot of people will genuinely hate it.' Good thing for Siobhan, she doesn't change who she is just because some people want her to. Risky....but admirable. And this of course is the reason why I think Broadway would be the best move for her after she is done with the tour. Sure, there probably isn't as much money in Broadway as there is when you are on tour the entire year and putting out millions of copies of albums.....but do you really think Sarah Brightman is sitting in the lap of poverty right now?

It really made me happy to hear that Magnus was wanting to perform in musicals (she referenced both Andrew Lloyd Webber hits Jesus Christ, Superstar and The Phantom of the Opera......its a shame she wasnt a contestant when he was a Mentor on American Idol - but I'm sure the two will meet eventually) I believe this would be the perfect transition for her and feel that Broadway is the least likely to screw her up as an artist. I could even see her writing some pretty amazing musicals....so hopefully this is something she would consider doing.

Now, I'm sure some of you are in strong disagreement with most of my assessments on here....but that is exactly why I said I am a rebel when it comes to music. I'm not trying to compare myself to Siobhan as a musician...obviously....but the fact of the matter is that she sang the songs she sang on American Idol mainly because she LIKED the songs - and kept doing it despite the criticism from viewers and the judges. I write music I like to hear, despite what many of my colleges have said and I have constantly had trouble finding success because of that. The fact that a person like Siobhan, who Kara once called "an unlikely character on the show", has become pretty successful on American Idol...and at such a young age.....it does provide people who are different, or rebels, a sense of hope for the future.

As she said immediately following her elimination "I wanted to show them (her sisters) what we are all capable of" Well, Siobhan, I think you've showed the WORLD what everyone is capable of.

And now for your enjoyment......here are some videos of Siobhan's stand-out performances on American Idol.

Pineapple

I apologize that it has been a while since I have updated my blog, but there is really one word that can sum up how I feel about the past three months: Pineapple. OK....that word is actually very meaningless to the events that have happened recently, but its still a mildly humorous word if you say it over and over again. I think that it is the actual fruit that is even more amusing because it doesn't taste anything like an apple (or pine for that matter) and people seem to use it for just about any food creation these days. Do you know people put pineapples on pizza? Sounds weird....but in fact its a very common topping for american pizza franchises now. Unripe pineapples can give you the runs.....that's definitely an interesting fact about pineapples.

I hated pineapples with a passion growing up.....

And now......the past three months' 'pineapples'.

Pineapple #1. I managed to place 4th in the Humboldt composition contest. Not too shabby for my first competition. Cheap bastards didn't award me any money, though. (That's meant as a joke....I apologize if its not funny.)

Pineapple #2. I have published another successful marching band show at Impact Marching. "Joy! Reconstructed" is my third show and will be premiered by Harrah High School Marching Band in Oklahoma in the fall. It's a feel good show inspired by familiar tunes - I apologize to Bach, Beethoven, and Haydn in advance, however if you feel so inclined to do so you may listen to the recording at www.impactmarching.com.

Pineapple #3. Morgan RV Resorts didn't let me finish even a year at Indiana Beach and gave me my notice of termination (along with three maintenance, which came as a shock to the majority of the staff. I guess Morgan RV doesn't think that rides operation, rides maintenance and cleanliness are necessary in order to run a successful theme park.

Pineapple #4. I moved back to Lexington and now have a job training to be a manager at Applebee's. I know you all will want to come visit MY neighborhood!

Pineapple #5. I will be going back to school but this time at Indiana University Southeast and going after a degree in composition. And to think, Hoosier Hysteria thought they could get rid of me that easily? HA!

Interesting personal fact about me: I hate pineapples, but pineapple lifesavers are my favorite flavor.

You're craving pineapples now, ain't you?

Music, Football, and a Move That Even Ticked-Off Hitler

I've hit somewhat of a slow period in composition. I'm caught up on the current projects I had been working on over the Holidays, and now I'm only working on one: A euphonium solo for an old friend who's made it up the ranks as a prestigious virtuoso. The performance opportunities this could create would be astronomical (assuming he was able to find gigs on the moon). I am torn between several ideas, but in time I will hopefully be able to create a masterful work that he will enjoy playing as much as the audience enjoys hearing (which seems to match my particular musical idiom).

The Colts were defeated by the Saints in Superbowl XLIV. I was of course rooting for the Colts, however I can not say that I was terribly disappointed as this made a terrific story for the Saints (at one time referred to as the 'Aints). It was a little alarming to see Peyton Manning end the season on an interception play that was ran in for a touchdown, however I still believe he is one of the greatest Quarterbacks ever and will pass the majority of Brett Favre's records (assuming Favre ever retires)

I've recently become addicted to the NBC-hosted show 'Chuck' I think the concept is really neat, and to date I have seen every episode. The whole idea of a normal guy who works on the Nerd Herd at Buymore (which is obviously supposed to parody the Geek Squad at Best Buy) suddenly being tossed into the secret world of the CIA and going on several dangerous missions to keep his family safe is just SO cool! Yes, we have all felt that our lives arent going anywhere at some point...not sure how I would like the Spy business, though. Yvonne Strahovski is a very attractive woman, btw.

Although, when you think about it - I'm kind of living a double life myself. Aside from my musical career which I work so very hard to keep strong, I am also a Manager at an Indiana Theme park and when I'm not writing music I'm usually at the office. It's an enjoyable job, and keeps food on the table so I can't complain too much.

Six Flags announced its plans to shut down Kentucky Kingdom (the park where I used to work) over the weekend. It's very said that this happened, and many of my friends were told that they wouldn't have a job at that park this summer. I'm really pulling for them all to find places they enjoy working at, but in this economy it looks grim.

This move even pissed off Hitler....see for yourself....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U03J-1qeCnQ

Ted and Jason from Impact Marching are down in Texas currently trying to gain clients for their 2010 line-up of marching band shows. I'm hoping a few of them pick up my two new shows Traffic and Joy Reconstructed, but we'll have just have to see how it goes I guess.

Life is good so far, hopefully it gets even better!

Midnight Ramblings

After ten years of establishing myself as a successful composer, I've finally entered my first professional contest. The contest is sponsored by the Humboldt University (Arcata, Ca) and will be announced sometime in May. The winners of the contest will receive a cash award and will have their works performed at the Chamber Ensemble Workshop that is held at the University Annually. I figured this would be a good way to know where I stand on the level of musicianship as a composer as I do not know anyone who will be judging the contest or witnessing the performance (if it were to place). Unfortunately, I can not announce the name of my entry on here because the contest has specifically asked for anonymity of the entries. I would be very exciting to win, or even place - but I don't have high expectations as I rushed the end of the piece to get it entered in time. Of the movements, I like the final movement the LEAST. Fortunately, I'm not one of the judges......I would probably not vote for my own composition.



The Colts are in the Superbowl. I'm really excited about this, and am wishing that they win. Peyton Manning is a LEGENDARY Quarterback. Yes, Paul. I said it. I said LEGENDARY. Take THAT. Anyway, glad that they made it after all the crap their coach received for pulling the starters, despite I myself was irritated by that move. I'm also very happy for the Saints - what an umbelievably amazing story that is for them.

Speaking of things that are amazing, if you haven't seen the beatboxing flute player, you are missing out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vh4Hoz2SRL4

I'm wondering if there is a community-help organization for people that are addicted to facebook. I should probably join, as I spend probably way too much time updating my status and posting obnoxious comments on others. Mostly I pick fights with Kentucky fans, but that's just in my nature to start arguments.

I'm still offering free CDs to anyone who wants one. I'm amazed that no one has e-mailed me requesting one. I mean...its not that expensive. It's only FREE. But I guess in these screwed up economic times, even FREE is too expensive. I really do hope our president knows what he is doing, because I am starting to get impatient. I know change takes time, but surely we should be seeing SOME improvements by now. Oh well....I have nothing but respect for any man who takes on the responsibilities of the entire country, so I'll just keep hoping for the best.

Anyone remember high school marching band? I do! Here's a link to some of the best shows ever, three of which I participated in (1997-1999) http://www.youtube.com/user/utconar#g/c/105FE0F3AAB0F3B8

Have a nice week, everyone. :)

A Short Autobiography of my Compositional Happening

It would be inaccurate to say that I was born with the talent to write music. I grew up in a household of mildly talented musicians. My mother sang - My older brother, Matt played Piano - Paul and Mario both play guitar and write songs. My sister was in chorus and I was in Band....so we all had our own personal musical experiences. However, I was the only one who sought out an education and ultimately a career in music. It all started after seeing Craig Cornish, who is currently the director of bands at Middle Tennessee State University came to my elementary school (Garden Springs) and began demonstrating the sounds of mouthpieces for certain instruments. I found the buzz of a trumpet mouthpiece the most amusing, and according to my mom I wouldn't stop RAVING about it when I got home. Unfortunately, for certain reasons I would not be able to play with the band in the fifth grade. However, I did not forget that experience...and I attended a few of the Elementary school band concerts. I would sit there in awe, amazed at this new ability to generate those kinds of sounds out of structured piece of wood and metal. I desperately wanted to be part of this experience. It wasn't until the summer before I began Middle School at Beaumont Middle that my mother surprised me one morning by presenting my very own trumpet, which she rented from Don Wilson Music. Along with the trumpet, she had gotten me lessons with Stewart Smith of DW Music to prepare me for middle school band. In middle school, because I missed elementary school band, I had to sit in the beginner's band for the first semester of school. To my excitement, that funny guy named Mr. Cornish was the beginner's band director. He was also the director at Paul Laurence Dunbar High School, but the pay rates for Kentucky High School Band director's were not high in those days so most director's worked at the local middle schools to earn a secondary income. There were not a whole lot of us in that beginners, and we used to have a lot of fun learning the instruments. Eventually, I taught myself how to play the theme from the "Muppet Show" and got a lot of amusement and laughs out of my bandmates. I loved the trumpet, and would spend a lot of my own personal time just playing the instrument and experimenting......"writing music" with my mind.

I would eventually play trumpet, until switching to Baritone in the 7th grade (and a new middle school) due to a difficulty in hitting the high notes. I would eventually attend four different middle schools in four years (I repeated the 6th grade because it was not felt that I got the propper education at Beaumont and several of my grades were substantially low) I performed in the band at all middle schools, and despite the other schools accepting my lone ability to read treble clef....Jessie Clark Middle insisted that I learn Bass Clef, as that was the standard clef for Baritone and Euphonium players. J. Steven Moore, the assistant band director who was also the director of bands at the prestigious Lafayette High School Band, was the one that individually spent time with me teaching me how to read Bass Clef.

Truth be told, I only marched three years with the Lafayette High School. I claim to have marched four years in most of my biography's because I regretted my decision to drop out of band my first year within the first month of parting from them and went to every football game and nearly every competition I could. I really felt like I was a part of the band that year and video taped many of their shows, taking them home and watching them. I probably knew Parisian Venues better than more than half of the band did. Thankfully, Charles M. Smith (Chuck), the Lafayette Director that replaced J. Steven Moore, allowed me to rejoin the band and informed me that if I quit again I would not get another chance. That was a fair condition, and the following summer I went back to band camp and worked really hard at helping the band win three more state titles as well as numerous other awards and recognitions. I also participated in many solo and ensemble contests and honor and all-state bands.

It was during my time in high school when I really began to notice how I had a unique ability to hear and regenerate music that was played by the ensembles was I in. Most bandmembers can hear individual melodies and counterlines, however I would literally be able to go home and recreate some of our music on the piano without ever seeing the other parts. This was a gift that I had discovered and that has really helped me mature and develop as a composer. My mom said it was as if I was breaking apart the music piece by piece and finding ways to put it back together. I began writing my own songs on piano, none of which were very good....but I kept working at it and would experiment with different chord structures. While in my dad's basement, I heard some computerized instrumental sounds coming from Matt's room. Astonished by what I was hearing, I went over to the door and saw him sitting at his desk. Curiously, I asked him what it was. Excited, he told me that it was a new 'music notation software' that he bought for about $40. It was called Voyager, and he was able to create music and play it back. I later found out this particular software was geared towards people who could not read music as you did not place the note values....instead you would drag the length of the note you needed onto a pitch chart. I was AMAZED by this technology.....so amazed I went out and found the software myself. Thankfully, that was around the time I spent my evenings working at McDonald's and had enough money to purchase. I took it home immediately, and spent a LOT of time with that program. I would write all kinds of orchestra songs, or instrument solos and would let my family listen to them. Still, none of music would ever leave beginner stages. I was unable to find ways away from the one chord, so most of my music was very boring.

After accepting a full-tuition scholarship, I started attending the school of music in education. Initially, I wanted to go for Composition however this was frowned upon as they informed me that the job hunt was much easier in education. My roommate, Allen, would become one of my primary influences. He shared the same passion for classical music that I did, and also did his share of writing music using inexpensive amatuer programs similar to voyager. Often times, we would find ourselves competing over our music.....usually in friendly manners, but would crack jokes at eachothers works. We ended up becoming really good friends, and I learned a whole lot about music composition from Allen. I also began taking courses in Music Theory which really helped to train my ear. I've sometimes commented that I have perfect pitch, because I was able to sing intervals and recite music that I heard much better than most of classmates.

The year 2000 was a rough year, financially for my family. My step-dad found himself constantly on the job hunt, trying to find work that paid well enough to support my other two siblings and help me with college. My mother was also struggling with her work. They lived in a rented house at at times could barely afford to pay their rent on time. Still, in Christmas of 2000 when talking to my mom about how AWESOME the new music notation software 'Sibelius' was, and how I really wished I could afford it she said "I'll buy it for you for your christmas present." I couldn't believe this.....my mother truely cared so much about my future and my passion for composition that she insisted on risking her families financial security for it. And she stayed true to her word, and purchased it for me on Christmas. My mother is by far the biggest influence of my musical life.

Sibelius was amazing. There was so much I was able to do with it, and I could create the most amazing scores. I spent a lot of time with Sibelius, and eventually began to self-publish my music on www.sibeliusmusic.com in 2001. I started interacting with the other sibelius music users and made some friendships along the way. To this day, I have over 50 self-published works at Sibelius music.

My junior year, I began taking lessons with Dr. Steve Rouse, who was the head of composition at the University. Now, I had written some pretty amazing music around that time.....however, most of it was rough around the edges. I had a tendancy of writing music too difficult to be performed, and my sense of repetativeness needed some fine-tuning. Dr. Rouse taught me how to make music interesting as well as playable. He also got me my first ever compositional performance.

In February of 2004, "Cataclysm" would be performed under the direction of Mark Kersting. The experience was once in a lifetime. Not only because of how amazed I was, but one of the percussionists happened to miscount a bar, and unfortunately her tubular bell part happen to be the cues in half of the musicians' music. The ensemble literally was parted exactly one measure from eachother. Mark's first thought when this happened was "My God, PJ's gonna kill me" Instead, I rushed backstage after the concert and before Mark could apologize I said "Don't worry! I actually liked it better that way!"

The music was contemporary enough that without seeing the score there was virtually no way to tell that the group was off....and it actually did make the piece all the more interesting.

I have had several performances since then, including an arrangment of my "Christmas March" that was performed in Singapore by the Tuba Powerhouse. I never was able to witness that performance, but the arranger sent me a recording of the performance and it sounded terrific!

Unfortunately, because of some struggles with grades as well as confusion with the financial aid offices I was forced to withdrawl from school without graduating. I managed to remain in Louisville and continued to work at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom. Eventually, I would spend the next two years more focussed on my job. I wrote little pieces of music here and there, but I had the toughest time concentrating and being away from the school of music caused me to drop back into some old habits. I also lacked motivation, and considerably...nearly got rid of Sibelius and quit composing all together. This was literally a day before I received an intriguing e-mail on that cold December day in 2007. The sender was Martin Andraszek, of Harrah High School in Harrah, Oklahoma. His e-mail was very brief, but said that he really liked my style and wondered if I would consider writing the show music for his band for the 2008 season. It was at that moment, that I realized SOMEONE didnt want me to give up on my dreams. SOMEONE didn't want me to throw ten years of experience down the drain. And that SOMEONE opened the door of opportunity and invited me to walk-in. Graciously, I accepted and three months later 'Elements of Time', my first Marching Band Score, was created. And because of that, I was inspired and began writing music left and right and received several opportunities to write music for musicians who were willing to pay for my music.

That following summer, I got tangled up in a relationship with a girl who I really thought I could help. She was a struggling single mother of three boys, and I vowed to take care of her for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, her life took a huge toll on myself and I fell into a very painful depression. My financial situation had never been worse because of my constant efforts to bail her out of situations, and I appeared exhausted at work and could not focus on my job because of how much time I spent on her and her kids. In August, I decided I could not live that life anymore and got out of the relationship. It was a brutal end, involving the police being called, and several harsh words said towards eachother. Frantic, I quit my job at SFKK and moved back home to Lexington, landing a job at the Marriott and at Amazon (which was later replaced by Toys R Us). During my time in Lexington, it was hard for me to write music because working two full jobs to pay off my debt, and bring myself out of the financial hole made me very exhausted and I spent a lot of time sleeping. In December of that year, after applying for an apartment in Louisville I received a very detrimental reponse. I had been turned down because I had a balance on my old apartment. I was unaware of this balance as I put in my 30 days notice and attempted to contact the offices several times upon my leave. When I called the complex, they informed me that I had 'abandoned' my apartment and said I owed them $2000. It was a shame that my poor incident phone had to suffer the impact of hearing this news as I threw it across the room and it smashed open (miraculously it still worked after putting it back together) I was very enraged and scared my family because of my terrifying shouting and cursing. At that point, I even told my mother "There is no God, because if there was he would not have let this happen to me."

On a side note, I was raised in a very religious atmosphere and I grew up believing in God and have often times found myself receiving religious experiences that could not be explained by any sort of logic other than to use the easy phrase "it's just a coincidence". I've managed to attend church on my own both in Louisville and currently here in Indiana. I still believe in God, and know he is looking out for me so for me to say something so absurd....my mother was nearly in tears when she heard it. Apparently God heard it as well, because he responded....

After calming down, though still angered, I checked my e-mail. To my astonishment, I received an e-mail from a Jason Miller. As it had turned out, he had seen my Marching Band Score for Elements of Time on sibelius music, and claimed he felt it would sell well and offered to publish it for me at his site Impact Marching. That night, I owed God two things....an apology, and a thank you. I gave him both.

Since these experiences, I still continue to publish at Sibelius music and have three professionally published scores at Impact Marching. I have also been hired for a third time to write for Martin and his band, and have also received several other offers of works that are currently in process. I can not explain exactly how I got to this point, but three conclusions can be drawn from all of my experiences. One would be that influences such as my mother, and my siblings have really helped push me to getting where I need to be. I have fallen several times, but someone has alway been there to catch me and help me stand...and that's a gift you can't buy. The second conclusion is that there IS a God and that he is watching over me, and wants me to succeed. It is easy to say that those were just coincidences, but to have huge opportunities come up following times when I feel its neccessary to throw in the towel...the odds just arent in the favor of basing that on chance. And the third conclusion is that I am a very tenacious individual. My grandmother was the first to place that label upon me, and I have stuck to it since her death in 1999. I have overcome a lot of challenges, and its primarily because I refuse to give up.

I did not write this blog as any means to upsell myself or talk about how great I believe I am. In fact, several times I've considered myself the worst human being. I have written this because I want to encourage anyone who has read this to never lose hope. Every challenge can be overcome in someway, and all you have to do is work hard and have a little faith. You will never know how successful you can become if you give it all up.